3 Essential Steps to Take When You Have a Crush Outside Your Relationship

Published April 15, 2026

3 Important Actions to Overcome Your Crush

At times, the best approach when you find yourself attracted to someone outside your relationship is to simply let it be. "It’s completely normal to experience a crush even when you’re in a healthy, happy partnership," explains Guenther.

Avoid panicking and allow these feelings to pass naturally. Appreciate the emotions, but maintain self-control. "Refrain from doing anything you wouldn’t want your partner to do," Guenther advises.

"Having a crush can reveal an unmet need within your relationship," Guenther elaborates. For example, if your crush is someone who appears emotionally vulnerable, this might indicate a deficiency in emotional intimacy between you and your partner.

Conversely, if your attraction is primarily based on physical appearance, it could suggest a lack of physical intimacy in your current relationship.

Once you identify what’s missing, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner. Sharing these unmet emotions and feelings is crucial for addressing relationship challenges together.

Will your partner have feelings about your new attraction? Certainly, but that shouldn’t deter you. Remember, honesty can facilitate working through the underlying issues that give rise to these feelings.

However, "Make sure to concentrate on your own emotions and needs rather than focusing on the details of the crush," Guenther recommends. Becoming overly fixated on the specifics of the crush won’t benefit you or your partner and may distract from resolving the real problem.

But what if your feelings become stronger than you want? What if the emotional or sexual attraction feels overpowering? What steps should you take then?

"Limit your time around your crush," Guenther suggests. Establish distance to allow your feelings to diminish. "Meanwhile, if you’re uncomfortable discussing this with your partner, consider confiding in a friend or therapist about your emotions," Guenther adds.

Talking to a therapist can help you process your feelings and identify what’s lacking in your relationship. Additionally, confiding in a friend can provide a fresh perspective on the situation.

It’s important to recognize that crushes are inevitable, regardless of your situation. And if it’s not you experiencing this, it could be your partner.

Planning ahead and determining how to handle these circumstances is vital for maintaining the stability and longevity of your relationship.